The Silent Killer
Faithful readers, this is the hardest post I've ever had to write. I've been hiding something. I wake up every morning and pretend it's not there, but there is no pretending anymore.
The bottom line is I haven't been true to you - I've been living a lie. It has been a lie to myself, to you and to the world. I fire up the old computer and share my stories with you as though its all sunshine and rainbows. But there is a dark cloud hanging over me. I am living with a disease. A silent killer. Yes, I am suffering from Prepartum Depression.
Prepartum depression occurs in men who already have multiple children when their wives are carrying another child. Now for most men it has to do with worrying about having the burden of dealing with more screaming, whining and immature behavior - and not just from their wives, but from their kids too.
But that is not why it has hit SnarkyDaddy. For SnarkyDaddy it's that this is the last baby SnarkyMommy wants. Oh, it hurts to talk about it. The thought that SnarkyDaddy's seed will no longer sprout forth beautiful children to this world after these three is what hits hardest. Why stop at three precious flowers when there is potential for a glorious garden? An entire meadow, perhaps?
Now many people are mistaken in the way they treat prepartum depression. Some will recommend hormonal treatment. Others will say group support, counseling or massages with happy endings. Now massages with happy endings may actually work. I'm going to try to convince SnarkyMommy that I should lead a long-term study on this treatment and will probably apply for a federal grant to fund it.
But the truth is, there is currently only one known cure: beer. Lots of beer. Now this may surprise you. You might be saying "SnarkyDaddy, this is crazy talk. You have gone off the deep end." But when you think about it, my faithful readers, it makes perfect sense. Beer is cold. Beer is tasty. It has a nice fizzy zip to it. Beer is like man's best friend - even more so than dogs, because beer never poops in the house.
And I know you are wishing right now that you could help - that if there was anything you could do for me and this horrible condition you would step right up. Well, there is good news my friends... you can! The "SnarkyDaddy Needs a Miracle" fund has been set up especially to help fathers in my condition. Every dollar you send will go towards finding a cure to Prepartum Depression. Now many charities will spend 70% or sometimes only 60% towards the actual cure; the rest going towards unnecessary overhead and management costs. But not the "SnarkyDaddy Needs a Miracle" fund. You can rest assured that there will be no frivolous expenses and every dollar donated will go directly towards the purchase of an icy cold beer for a Daddy in need.
Donate to the "SnarkyDaddy Needs a Miracle Fund"
The bottom line is I haven't been true to you - I've been living a lie. It has been a lie to myself, to you and to the world. I fire up the old computer and share my stories with you as though its all sunshine and rainbows. But there is a dark cloud hanging over me. I am living with a disease. A silent killer. Yes, I am suffering from Prepartum Depression.
Prepartum depression occurs in men who already have multiple children when their wives are carrying another child. Now for most men it has to do with worrying about having the burden of dealing with more screaming, whining and immature behavior - and not just from their wives, but from their kids too.
But that is not why it has hit SnarkyDaddy. For SnarkyDaddy it's that this is the last baby SnarkyMommy wants. Oh, it hurts to talk about it. The thought that SnarkyDaddy's seed will no longer sprout forth beautiful children to this world after these three is what hits hardest. Why stop at three precious flowers when there is potential for a glorious garden? An entire meadow, perhaps?
Now many people are mistaken in the way they treat prepartum depression. Some will recommend hormonal treatment. Others will say group support, counseling or massages with happy endings. Now massages with happy endings may actually work. I'm going to try to convince SnarkyMommy that I should lead a long-term study on this treatment and will probably apply for a federal grant to fund it.
But the truth is, there is currently only one known cure: beer. Lots of beer. Now this may surprise you. You might be saying "SnarkyDaddy, this is crazy talk. You have gone off the deep end." But when you think about it, my faithful readers, it makes perfect sense. Beer is cold. Beer is tasty. It has a nice fizzy zip to it. Beer is like man's best friend - even more so than dogs, because beer never poops in the house.
And I know you are wishing right now that you could help - that if there was anything you could do for me and this horrible condition you would step right up. Well, there is good news my friends... you can! The "SnarkyDaddy Needs a Miracle" fund has been set up especially to help fathers in my condition. Every dollar you send will go towards finding a cure to Prepartum Depression. Now many charities will spend 70% or sometimes only 60% towards the actual cure; the rest going towards unnecessary overhead and management costs. But not the "SnarkyDaddy Needs a Miracle" fund. You can rest assured that there will be no frivolous expenses and every dollar donated will go directly towards the purchase of an icy cold beer for a Daddy in need.
Donate to the "SnarkyDaddy Needs a Miracle Fund"
posted by Josh at
7:01 AM
2 Comments:
Maybe you should host a fundraiser for Dads like you. I would love to see how that turns out...
best of luck. just don't tell my husband about it or he's going to complain that I made him stop drinking for my whole third pregnancy in solidarity with me. Oh the suffering he must have felt! My guilt will take years to assuage
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