Something doesn't taste right...

From the latest at SnarkyMommy:

"You can pee in this cup! Won't that be crazy?" I asked him. He jumped out of his seat, stood next to car and peed like a champ in the cup.

So I don't know folks... should I be calling child services here or what? I mean, my kids are peeing in cups for crying out load... and we're not just talking about at the doctor's office here.

And I love how she makes it seem like it was a one-time thing... but I can assure you our house is full of cups full of urine. This is all my kids know.

Hey, what can I say? SnarkyMommy is from Milwaukee, they do things differently up there. Like a water fountain is a "bubbler" an ATM is a "Tyme" machine, and... Oh, by the way, they don't pee in toilets, they pee in cups. A toilet is apparently just too overly complicated. You know, with its two lids, and its flusher. Here, pee in a cup, it's so much easier.

All I can say is if you are offered a drink at our house you best remember where you place it, because I can tell you from experience... you don't want to drink the wrong one.

Caught in the shuffle

Today, SnarkyMommy has attempted to drag the reputation of SnarkyDaddy through the mud. I mean, I haven't had my blog for a week yet, and she's already punching below the belt:

"Last night, Jack was downstairs playing with Josh and cleaning up toys before bed when he asked nicely if he could play Candyland. Because he asked so nicely and we had a couple of minutes, we said sure. ...I went in to see what in the world was taking so long to grab Candyland off the shelf and bring it in. I found him RIGGING THE CARDS."

What she calls "rigging" the rest of us refer to as "shuffling". No, SnarkyMommy apparently is not familiar with such advanced playing card concepts such as cutting the deck, shuffling, or even "Go Fish".

Okay, so I do shuffle cards face up, but this is just so I make sure I do an extra good job mixing them up. Most people see me do it and they're like "Dude, what a great idea. You're obviously doing your best to make this game totally fair for everyone." And that's exactly right - most people get it.

So why can't SnarkyMommy see it that way? Now, I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but it's overtly obvious that somebody can't stand the fact she's losing to her three year old. Come to think of it, I don't think she's won a single game of CandyLand ever. There, I said it. SnarkyMommy is the worst CandyLand player of all time. Luckily, our son gets his CandyLand skills from dear old Dad.

Never Fear, SnarkyDaddy is Here!

As you all know, there are two sides to every story. There is the SnarkyMommy side that you are probably already familiar with, and there is the SnarkyDaddy side. You poor people out there have been hearing only one side... the not so true side. Well, actually, you've probably been hearing the true side, but who wants that? Now you get the fun, enthralling, glued to your seat, SnarkyDaddy side. Okay, okay... basically, the full of crap side.

So what is the purpose of this blog? Basically I slapped down 10 bucks a couple years back for this domain, and it's been sitting around gathering dust ever since. So it's been a big money-loser to this point. Meanwhile, SnarkyMommy has gathered herself a nice little audience now. She has herself a potential cash cow over there at SnarkyMommy and I can't just let the SnarkyDaddy dream wilt away and die.

So the SnarkyDaddy.com mission is:

1) Steal away SnarkyMommy's readers
2) Sell out big time with any and every advertiser out there an rake in the revenue with SnarkyMommy's big spending readers
3) Outsource SnarkyDaddy blog writing to India (because, let's face it, SnarkyDaddy is a lazy dude and I'll be too busy counting all of that cash pouring in)
4) Retire

It's really quite simple when you think about it.

So now, I need to get started on step 1 - Steal away SnarkyMommy's audience.

This shouldn't be hard. Here is the game plan:

1) Be funnier than SnarkyMommy. This should be cake. In case you haven't noticed, I'm flippin hilarious.

2) Make myself out to be an abused, beaten down spouse of a cruel, deceitful wife. I need the audience to be drawn away from her site to mine. This will be tough for me. I'll have to bend my high-standing morals, a code of conduct many schools base their ethics courses upon. It will be... so... hard.

But the SnarkyDaddy.com mission is the SnarkyDaddy.com mission, and who am I to get in the way of that?

And so it begins...